A term that first appeared in a 2024 study in Forbes Health is recognisable to millions of us: ‘dating app fatigue’ refers to that significant percentage of dating app users who report feeling emotionally, mentally, or physically exhausted by using dating platforms, such as Tinder, Grindr or Bumble. Dating apps have transformed how people connect, with millions still using them as a primary means to find romance. However, the disenchantment users feel begins early on with the feeling that what is on offer is not what you get. Increasingly, reports show that such apps encourage mainly casual encounters without genuine connection. A Pew Research Center survey reveals that 51 per cent of women in the US had negative experiences on dating apps, including instances of harassment or dishonesty. Many users report feeling burnout or drained by common issues like ‘ghosting’, where someone suddenly cuts off communication, or ‘cancelling’, when plans repeatedly fall through. Some suggest that dating apps encouraging cheating and, even more worryingly, the number of false profiles and scams has soared. In her line of work, Linda Delucca, CEO of Pre-Dating Speed Dating and Lock & Key Singles Parties, has come across dating app fatigue many times. Speak Up asked her to tell us more about it.
Linda Delucca (American accent): It is real. I can tell you that because we hear it every single day, all day long. “The apps were a disaster for me. The websites were a disaster for me.” So it’s real. People are very frustrated with them. I know a lot of people have met that way, and that’s wonderful. They’ve been around [for] ten, fifteen years now and ten, fifteen years in, people are really realising that they don’t have all the answers. They’re just not the solution for everyone. There’s a lot of profiles on there that are old. So you’re really sorting through a lot of outdated info. Some stats say that up to 40 per cent of the profiles on there are not people that are even actively looking for a relationship. And then approximately 20 per cent of the people on there are only looking for, you know, a little fun, a little hookup. And that’s fine if that’s what you’re looking for. But that may not be what you’re looking for. And I don’t know about you, but I don’t really want to be judged on one second of “Here’s my picture, and that’s all I am.” I mean, I’m more than that. You’re more than that. So we slow it down. We want you to get to know the person. I mean, give them six minutes of undivided attention. You may find that the person that you glanced at for a second and thought was the love of your life, that you can’t stand that person. You hate the sound of their voice. You know, some people are great online and texting and communicating, and then when you get to know them in person, there’s nothing there. They’re flat and you really don’t have anything in common with this person. So I can’t imagine, and I know people do it, but I can’t imagine, God bless them, people that swipe, swipe, swipe, swipe, swipe and think that they’re going to find the most significant person in their entire lives. I mean... I don’t know.
ILLUSION OF SCREEN LOVE
We asked Delucca about the difference between online and real-life connection.
Linda Delucca: Humans are just wired to see, hear, smell and interact with a potential partner or even a potential friend in that moment in person. The old-fashioned word for it is ‘chemistry’. It’s really about chemistry. And you can chat with somebody or text somebody or even talk on the phone with somebody for two years, and the moment that you meet them in person, you’re going to realise whether or not you really have chemistry. And it’s important. It’s based on a thousand or a million little things: pheromones, sound… and other non-verbal cues that people give off and just how they carry themselves. And it just can’t be done online. You know, the technology is great. I love technology, I’m an early adopter to [of] all kinds of technology. I thought the dating sites were just a fantastic idea, because you know it’s like ordering a catalogue: you just search for exactly what you want and you just pick the one that you want out of thousands. But it really results in quantity over quality. And I tell you, I look at my own husband; if somebody showed me a picture of my husband, I never would have… He’s just not what I thought was my type. But when you get to know a person, you realise there’s really a connection here.
TOO MUCH
Additionally, there is the very real issue of too much apparent choice. As Delucca explains, it is very easy to hide in a crowd. We tend not to reveal ourselves on dating apps, and we quickly lose interest if we need to make any effort at all.
Linda Delucca: Even with Tinder or Bumble or whatever, you’re going to have to sift through hundreds, if not thousands of profiles. You’re going to have to communicate with all of those people. You’re going to have to wait for them to get back to you, and then you’re going to hopefully set up a time to meet. Now, all right, Thursday night we’re going to meet. Let’s hope that they don’t ghost you, that they don’t cancel on you, that you don’t spend a lot of money on that one date. And then we’ve all been on that date where the minute you meet that person, you realise that it’s not going to happen, and you have to sit there on that date thinking about how long do I have to sit here to be polite? And when can I get the heck out of here!